Why We’re Lonely Together | Nick Epley

Why do we crave connection while constantly avoiding it? It’s a Nick Epley-fest this month on Behavioral Grooves as we welcome him back to explore the hidden psychology behind why we stay silent, avoid strangers, and underestimate how much other people actually want to connect with us. Drawing from years of real-world behavioral research, his new book A Little More Social, and even our very own live show, Nick reveals why our assumptions about social interaction are so often completely wrong.

Nick shares his research on “under-sociality,” the idea that most of us simply aren’t being social enough for our own good. We avoid everyday interactions because we assume they’ll be awkward, uncomfortable, or unpleasant, but those assumptions are usually mistaken. And before you say, “I’m just an introvert,” this conversation might challenge what that really means. Tiny moments of connection throughout the day can meaningfully improve happiness, trust, and a sense of belonging, whether you see yourself as a wallflower or the life of the party.

Of course, being more open is easier said than done. Life is full of missed opportunities, social exhaustion, polarization, and the emotional risks that come with honesty and vulnerability. We make space for those realities in this conversation, too, while exploring how being just a little more socially open can lead to deeper connection with far less risk than we imagine. After all, the biggest social risk often isn’t reaching out—it’s staying quiet.

Want to watch this episode? Check it out on our YouTube Channel