Why Expectations Shape Who We Become

Change often feels monumental when we talk about it, but as we explore in this special episode — inspired by questions from our Facebook Community — most transformation happens quietly, slowly, and almost without our awareness. We dig into why big change feels scary, why we overlook the everyday micro-changes that shape us, and what research reveals about the inaccurate stories we tell ourselves about the future.

We also look at the powerful role expectations play in shaping our identity. The beliefs of parents, partners, teachers, and even bosses can genuinely shift our confidence and performance. “Choose your people wisely” may sound like a cliché, but it’s deeply supported by research: surrounding yourself with people who expand — rather than limit — your sense of possibility can fuel both success and belonging. When we understand how feedback molds both who we are and how we behave, we can make better choices about the environments we step into.

We close this bonus episode by putting goal-setting under the microscope. Drawing from Kurt Lewin’s early work on “levels of aspiration,” alongside modern goal-setting theory, we examine why ambitious goals energize us while unrealistic ones drain us. By balancing what you’ve accomplished in the past with the dreams you’re aiming toward, you can find the sweet spot that keeps you motivated for the long haul.

Want to watch this episode? Check it out on our YouTube Channel

A Note From Our Team: This show exists because of the community around it — the questions you ask, the curiosity you bring, and the support you’ve given us. If you’d like to help us keep producing independent, ad-free behavioral science content, we’d be grateful for your support on Substack. Your contribution sets the expectation that this work matters — and helps us keep delivering it. Support us here.