Are You Too Agreeable? | Dr. Sunita Sah

Why are we agreeable when we know we shouldn’t be? Why do we nod along with authority figures, bosses, doctors, even family and friends, when our gut is telling us “no!”? This week, we share our conversation with organizational psychologist and physician Dr. Sunita Sah to explore the psychology of compliance, defiance, and what it really takes to act in alignment with your values.

Using classic research such as Stanley Milgram’s shock experiments, Sunita helps us reframe defiance. It’s not always an act of rebellion. Often, it’s actually beneficial for increased acceptance and friendship. Defiance is acting in accordance with your true values when everything else is pressuring you to do otherwise. As we talk with Sunita, we dig into why compliance isn’t the same as consent, how conflict-of-interest disclosure actually increases compliance, and the subtle but powerful force of “insinuation anxiety”.

Sunita walks us step by step through her five stages of defiance and explains what the uncomfortable tension we feel in these moments is trying to tell us. Defiance is not a personality trait, and it is not about being difficult. It is about acting in alignment with your values when pressure pushes you away from them. Defiance is a skill. It is a practice. Most importantly, it is something you can learn. If you’ve ever left a conversation saying, “I should have said something,” this conversation will help you understand what to say and how to say it.

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